Around the Villages: February announcements

Tulleyallen Erotic Art Collective will this month showcase its proposal for the Boyne Walk by marking the route with a series of erotic embraces designed to celebrate the Boyne valley’s long association with fertility and renewal. The marking will be performed by 20 of their troupe and will sway from traditional heterosexual practices.

Castlebellingham to twin with Uzhhorod (Ukraine) The mid Louth village celebrates its twinning with the city of Uzhhorod in the Zakarpattia region of Ukraine this month. Relations between these unlikeliest of bedfellows began after all the Chernobyl children had grown up, leaving the local organizing committee of the Children of Chernobyl charity idle.

The largely female charity decided to focus attention on oppressed world weary Albanian gypsies leading to a split down gender lines; the men preferring to keep in contact with the Ukraine and focus attention on the plight of impressionable Ukrainian women fleeing from the Crimea arguing that the charity knew the region and had eyes on the ground and that it would be a shame to lose all the expertise built up since 1986.

Although not that close to the front line, many attractive young ladies from Uzhhorod have sought refuge in the safe haven of mid Louth in recent months. Mayor Ivan McArdle and his wife Elizaveta will host an evening celebrating the twinning in the castle by welcoming a new shipment of nubile twins to the area. The gala dinner is a male only affair. Tickets to the raffle can be arranged by tweeting Ivana @ivanawife.

A similar fate befell Anagassan Romanian Baby Charity after all the babies were adopted in the early 1990s.

1990s Night for Dunleer There will be an evening showcasing inventions, trends and cultural advancements from the 1990s in the Parish Hall in Dunleer on Thursday evening. The event is aimed at introducing the 1990s to the region. A similar event was held in 2005 and brought the area up to speed on all things 1980s. The decision to hold another human progress evening so soon is testament to how well Dunleer denizens adapted after living in 1958 for so long.

The move was so successful that Louth County Council is worried that unless the region is ‘moved on’, then it could become mired in the 80s. Concerns were raised after reports of mulleted couples with Bon Jovi T-shirts were beginning to slip through the minefield surrounding Dunleer unscathed. Togher has been assisting with the changeover, having recently completed its move to the 1990s just before Christmas.

Townley Hall Golf Club announces its move to within Townley Hall woods. The move comes after the decision was taken to sell the grounds to the government who see it as the perfect site to build a long needed prison for disabled criminals. It is hoped that the move will result in a huge spike in skill amongst members due to the difficulty of playing golf in a forest.

Termonfeckin History Society will hold a talk this coming Monday evening at 8pm in Termonfeckin Castle about the short lived Soviet that sprung up in solidarity with Russian comrades in the wake of the October Revolution of 1917, news of which reached the village after the Emergency ended. Locals will recall how the local Mac an Ruadhmanov family was removed from the Castle, shot and thrown down a local mine shaft at the back of An Grianan in the turbulent days following the revolution. Áine Stacey Nic an Ruadhmanov, who survived the massacre, will speak of her experience so she will.

Julianstown Tidy Towns Committee has thrown in the towel.

Baltray Border Patrol is giving written warning that any travellers attempting to set up camp in the area will be shot on sight and their tools thrown in the Boyne.

Drogheda River Rescue warns local politicians that it will not waste resources saving them if they get into difficulty when trying to get a photograph of themselves pointing at The Boyne Beastie. The Boyne Beastie is a water-based turtle that lives in the river.

Local Ambulance Services warns local politicians that it will not waste resources saving them if they get into difficulty when trying to get a photograph of themselves pointing to cows in fields. Cows are domesticated animals that live in fields and provide dairy and meat to humans.

Drogheda Photographers have been warned that photographs of local politicians pointing at objects other than potholes, fly-tipped rubbish or Protestants will not be accepted for publication.