Kelly denies only seven points scored in training since October

Louth team talks before Kelly's Ambassadorship with Renault

Louth boss and new Renault Ireland Ambassador for 2015 Colin Kelly this evening denied allegations that only seven points have been scored in training since he took over the reins last October.

 Reports earlier this week had the number of points at four but reliable sources inform The Faa Side that a further three scores were added during intense training sessions this week. Two of the points came from placed kicks while another hopped over the bar after a long clearance from Dessie Finnegan. Ambassador Kelly is keeping the identity of the other scorers secret in the hope of getting the hop on the Clare management before this weekend’s defeat at the Gaelic Grounds in Drogheda.

 Speaking from his new sponsored Renault Megane, Ambassador Kelly was dismissive of the reports. “No, no, no, not true. The boys have been putting in the hard work and the total is closer to double figures.” His Excellency went on to explain that the players prefer to point during games and not waste scores in training. “You think the Gooch or Bernard Brogan waste scores on training?? Do you expect me to believe that Ronaldo scores in training or that horses run fast in secret? You must be fucking kidding me you.”

 Ambassador Kelly will be conducting bainisteoir duties from the Megane during this Sunday’s Division Three clash as part of his ambassadorial role for Renault. Extra groundsmen have been drafted in by the county board to clear a path around the sidelines should His Excellency be required to motor from his parking space by the home dugout to dish out encouragement and shout “Pull on it!”. However, local planning laws and the late announcement of the ambassadorial role have scuppered the Ambassador’s plan to give the half-time team talk from inside the clubhouse.

 Major structural work involving the widening of corridors and the creation of a new entrance would be needed. Added to this headache are the health and safety concerns which are hindering the O’Raghallaigh’s from modifying the showers to include a car wash – Amb. Kelly is notorious for doing everything with the panel, be it training, showering, badger baiting or pinting.

 Louth County Board have indicated that the best option would be to erect a marquee tent around the Megane as it would preserve the sanctum of the dressing room while allowing Amb. Kelly to roll down his window or stand through the sun-roof to deliver tactical nuggets and hand out oranges.

The Louth team for Sunday’s game sees two changes with the return of Dessie Finnegan and Conor Grimes starting in place of Derek Maguire. Blackie Judge, the 1957 veteran, shifts to full forward while Blues namesake Colm starts on the 40. Goalie Niall Gallagher keeps his place after some wayward kicking against Fermanagh.

No idea about the Clare lineup. Heard they’re good.

 Throw in is at 2pm at the O’Raghallaigh’s.