BREAKING NEWS: Reports of Cllr. Godfrey waiting for bandwagon on Donore Road false

Reported sightings of Councillor Shanks Godfrey standing on the Donore Road waiting for a bandwagon to pass by have been confirmed as false. Earlier today, several motorists passed the Louth County Councillor who appeared to be hitching a ride to Drawda.

The populist politician seemingly refused at least three motorists who stopped to offer a lift. One of those, a neighbour of Mr. Godfrey, was surprised. “I was helping Shanks put up some anti-fox traps last night to protect his hens and says he to me ‘Ah Mick, better hit the hay soon haven’t I to go and get the gruaige cut in the maidin.’ So I was surprised when he waved me on.”

Soon after refusing the lifts, a bandwagon came into view. The inclement weather and muddy conditions on the road caused the exact nature of the bandwagon campaign to be obscured from view.

The Faa Side is happy to clarify that earlier reports on local radio that the right honourable Councillor was seen in an excitable state, first waving his thumb up and down, then waving his hands frantically about like a E’ed up landing signal officer before lying down on the road in front of the bandwagon to make it stop are completely and utterly false. The report has since been retracted by the radio station and a full and frank apology issued.

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Cllr. Godfrey walking into Drawda

It is well known that the Councillor is one of the shrewdest spotters of bandwagons in the northeast. Donore residents are used to the sight of the zany politician on all fours with his ear to the ground, listening to the road. “He can hear a bandwagon a mile off so he can,” said local farmer Peter Brodigan, “He gets this queer feeling a few hours before, like a pig before an earthquake. It’s a skill no doubt about it.”

After a relatively successful end to 2014, including campaigns to save both the Newtown Cross woods from destruction (successful) and the Dominican church from closure (ongoing but most likely doomed), Cllr. Godfrey received some harsh criticism on the Facebook page Drogheda Life for his late arrival to the water charges debate. However, he did claw back some ground after appearing in typically eye catching apparel on RTE News during the national protest in Dublin on December 10. His belated arrival to the water charges bandwagon was a rare oversight indeed.

Speaking earlier on local radio, Shanks explained that he’d decided to walk into Drogheda to feel the breeze blow through his locks one last time before a scheduled meeting with the barber’s blade. He further clarified that what appeared to be some form of wagon, trundled up and came to a halt beside him. The driver was lost and in need of direction so he kindly offered to accompany the party as they were headed in the direction of Drawda.

Bringing down governments with biting satire
Bringing down governments with biting satire

A caller to the show, Piotr, 36, described seeing the Cllr. Godfrey hail down the bandwagon with his walking stick in his own uniquely delectable style. The caller went on to say that the bandwagon seemed to come to a halt as if it knew he would be there and that he always had been.

“For that moment it felt like nature had reached peak equilibrium. All the atoms seemed driven by an invisible force greater than themselves. Positive and negative neutrons shimmered with wonder, flittering between charges and it became clear that dark matter was not something fearful but rather a force to be embraced and loved. The whole history of human consciousness glistened as Cllr. Godfrey raised his stick and for that fleeting millisecond I understood the purpose of humanity.”

Cllr. Godfrey dismissed out of hand the man’s account of what happened with characteristically good humour saying that the man obviously was obviously mistaken and in need of medical attention. However, Cllr. Shanks has not been seen since and it is thought that he is still on the bandwagon.

If anyone seen either the Councillor or this bandwagon since this morning, please tweet @thefaaside.

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