Around the Villages – January Announcements

Donneycarney Set Dancing resumes this week in the parish hall on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 8 and 9pm. The new artistic director, Claude Pierre Tosspo’t, is eager to welcome new members and fuse the troupe into a new free style slash traditional set dancing outfit that should breathe new life into the South Louth Set Dancing scene. Watch this space.

An Grianan Courses There will be a hape of new courses available for 2015. The ever popular Indoor Bee Keeping and Harp Playing for Amputees will continue as will The Pitfalls of Crimping and Hostage Negotiation for the Over 65s.

The ICA hopes to embrace Termonfeckin’s burgeoning LGBT community with an introductory course in Cross Gender Lawn-mowing. Also making a first appearance this year will be Fire Blowing for the Bedridden and Deaf Stilt-Walking.

Courses cost €275 for members and €300 for non-members. There is a 20% surcharge on all males taking the courses, however; players from Yellowbattered Husbands are exempt.

Tulleyallen Erotic Art Club is hosting an exhibition in the parish hall on Friday from 8pm. The exhibition will be a live body paint performance examining the sexuality of Cú Chulainn. Admission €10. Nudity & twerking.

Collon Animal Sanctuary is appealing for help in locating the three surviving stray ostriches that escaped when gurriers left the gate to the pen open. In an unfortunate incident, one of the ostriches was recovered from Clogherhead where locals had buried its head in the sand to see what would happen. Arrests have been made.

Monster Shaveathon A monster shaveathon in aid of the GK Cancer Centre will take place in the town centre this coming Sunday afternoon. MC on the day is DJ Dim who will be playing a mix of thrash metal and Ra tunes. Ball shaving begins at 3pm. Volunteers must be pubic.

RIRA Training Camp There won’t be a weekend training camp for members of the Real IRA in Stamullen on the last weekend of the month. Workshops shant include Semtex Safety, Underground Weapons Storage and Money Laundering for Dummies. Guest speaker – will not be a certain bearded gentleman. Admission £20, northern bank notes not accepted. Members only.

Rí Rá Camp Drogheda’s gaeilgeoir community are holding their annual Ruaille Buaille weekend retreat in Stameen on the last weekend of the month. Lectures include The Sex Life of Peig and a workshop entitled – The Modh Coinniollach and Spoofers: How to Spot and Shun a Bluffer. Admission €20, honours Irish speakers only.

Mosney Cake Sale Local refugees forgotten by the state and ignored by the community will be holding their annual cake sale in Mosney this Saturday afternoon. A host of delicious exotic cakes and buns will be on offer. Hopes are high that last years sum of €8.25 can be bested. All welcome.

Pyramid Scheme Drogheda’s popular pyramid scheme company Isosceles is holding an information evening at the Barbican on Monday commencing at 7pm. Isosceles urges those interested to remember the three I’s – Invest Quickly, Invest Heavily & Invite Your Friends.

Drogheda Down Memory Lane would like to announce that Drogheda is just great and lovely and that we are a great people altogether. Due to the popularity of the online Facebook community, organizers have booked The Tommy Leddy Theatre from mid January until May. Members of the groups can come and show old photos of their uncles to other members. There is a nominal fee for tea and biscuits. Anyone caught bringing their own will be expelled from the group and their photographs burned in a barrel outside.