Rejuvenation of Narrow West Street – Proposals Sought

An emergency town meeting is to be held on Wednesday evening next at Barlow House to address the issue of Narrow West Street. Long known as ‘the traders’ graveyard’, the street has now descended into an eyesore in a town of ugly. Bookended by a butchers and a tat shop, Narrow West Street is in need of some love. At this stage even some inappropriate flirting would be helpful. It was thought that the pedestrianisation of West Street would benefit her less glamorous sister, but this has not proved to be the case. Poor dictionary skills by Drogheda’s urban planning team led to the pedestrianised street having a road down it. Footfall fell and the only sentient being that stops there now is Paddy McCabe. Even stray cats steer clear.

 Few would have imagined that less than 10 years after the Celtic Tiger, when Narrow West Street was home to the designer boutiques of trophy wives with notions, avant-garde immigrant haberdasheries and a Polish pole dancing titty bar, the street would be on life support. On presenting the evidence to a medical doctor, the doctor advised turning off the machine. Even the African shops selling fruit, pants, mobile phones covers and Moneygram have left. So what can be done?

 What can be done to breathe some new life into the area? Proposals have been thrown around like a loved up country boy waking up in a strange city bed. The mayor has welcomed ideas from concerned citizens after launching a competition to regenerate the area. The only stipulation is that the street should not become a hive of hipsterism. The mayor stressed that he would…

demolish the street and sew it with salt before… even one bearded legging wearing hipster sold some wank idea there.

 Proposals can be sent to the mayor’s office by tweeting @droghedamayor with the hashtag #mayorsrejuvenationofnarrowweststreetcompetition2015.