Drawda & District League Roundup

Newfield Godfreys moved to top spot in the Drawda & District Premier Division on Sunday evening as Laytown Doggers could only manage a draw at home to Kieransis Corner. Ballsgrove Scroats continued their impressive run of form by dispatching Town Centre Winos 3-1 on Saturday afternoon.

Tommo Bell was the hero for Newfield Godfreys as Sinn Fein Sarsfields were brushed aside. Bell’s adroit mind confused Sarsfield’s defence no end as he tormented them from the first whistle. His trade mark drop of the shoulder before going the other way flummoxed his opponents as he tore through the centre of the Sarsfields defence like a nail bomb. Sarsfields will have to tighten up if they are to stay in the top half.

Haamans Gaadens continued their winless streak against Halting Site Wanderers thanks to an amazing seven goal second half haul by John Joe McDonagh. Gaadens looked as though they were on course for a first win after blazing into a four goal lead but collapsed after the break through a mixture of intimidation and threats. Gaadens manager Richie Hardman said he will be lodging an official complaint with the league. “McDonagh kept whispering that he was going to rob our right backs dog. He even knew his name. In the second half he pulled out a picture of the dog taken that morning as there was a Sunday paper beside him. It is no coincidence that all seven goals came down their left hand side.”

Elsewhere, Tommy Leddy Academical edged out a disappointing Bettystown Blow Ins side that seemed to think just turning up would be enough. Manager Casper Leyland-Hayes earned himself a touchline ban for continued incredulence at Academicals rough house tactics. Bettystown assistant manager Maynard Stockton-Phillips will take over as Leyland-Hayes serves a three match touch line ban.

There you are now, another instance of Dubs coming in thinking they have a divine right to do as they please. — Tommy Leddy Academical manager Tommy Leddy.

Screen Shot 2014-12-22 at 22.34.13Kermon House courtyard was rocking on Saturday morning after evangelical mass as Black Taxi Drivers Co-op hammered Stameen Swingers 6-0. In truth, Stameen never really got into the swing of things. Their players seemed to have too much tactics in their heads and not enough ability in their feet to carry out the plans of their new Italian manager, Fabrizio Strunzo. Rubber legged Happy Day Cholongwe was the star of the show for Co-op, setting up three and scoring two himself.

Newly promoted Chinese Amalgamation won away at Yellowbattered Husbands. A fierce crowd of wives scorned their men from the kick off for being useless showers of bastards. The negative atmosphere seemed to dampen the Husbands confidence. Chinese Amalgamation duly took advantage with a brace from the curry chef at Kitchen Legend. Yellowbattered Husbands can take heart from the fact that they usual perform better away from home.

Hillview Albinos claimed an easy 2-0 victory of a court appearance ravaged Moneymore Hardchaws. Hardchaws struggled after a raft of avoidable absences forced a move from preferred 4-2-3-1 formation to a more rudimentary 4-4-2. Speaking at the post match press conference, manager Billy Corr explained that his first choice midfield was temporarily detained at Drogheda Garda Station helping Gardai with their investigation into Wednesday’s ATM robbery in Castlebellingham. Albinos have been likened in style and appearance to the 1998 Romanian team who bleached their hair blond to confuse opponents. There currently seems to be a rubik’s cube of confusion in the league. Spectators have been complaining that watching Chinese Amalgamation and the Albinos is too confusing. “It’s like someone made up a team in FIFA and didn’t bother changing any of the hairstyles or facial features. They all look the same,” irked scroatbuster72 on The Faa Side fans forum. Kieransis Corner have also come in for criticism for their policy of only fielding Kierins’. CEO Robert Kierans cited Athletic Bilbao and their policy of only playing Basques. “A lad called Graham Kiernan was round looking for a game but we had to tell him he was wasting his time.

Probation Act Hopefuls recorded a hard fought 2-0 win over Mell Handicaps under the lights at ARCH Club Park on Friday night. David ‘Stoner’ Ross makes it look so easy when he’s on form. His languid style has its critics but two wonderful assists to Hopefuls danger man ‘Hatchet’ Levins drew applause from the famously partisan Handicaps crowd.

Black Bull Polo Necks were taught a lesson in finishing by an inspired Mornington Glory side at the beach. Glory’s wide man Shifty Collins was in ruthless form as he surgically exposed Polo Necks defensive weaknesses. Manager Chips McGuffin was delighted with his trequartista’s influential display. “It was like watching him at work late on a Saturday night on West Street during the Celtic Tiger. He’d come at you unseen from out wide. Before you knew it you were in an ambulance with the gardai telling you not to press charges as you still had to live in the town. It was great to see. On his day he’s unplayable,” beamed McGuffin.